Disappointment

Well, I didn't get into that certain graduate program.

My initial feeling when I read the news: nothing. I didn't feel anything, good or bad. Then about ten minutes later after reading the rejection letter for the third time the sadness hit. A sharp sadness and feeling of rejection. Now, a day later, it is just a subtle sadness and hopelessness. I was expecting a sense of relief, hoping whatever feeling that came would be better than the anxiousness. Not necessarily the case. I hope the relief will come in a couple of days once the sadness goes away.

Anxiousness

I applied for a position in a certain grad program almost four weeks ago. I was supposed to hear back within two weeks, then it was pushed back an additional two weeks. The result: Severe anxiety. It's one of the more physically taxing emotions. I have a consistent, dull churning in my stomach. I feel that it is taking a toll on the rest of my body as well. Emotionally I can stay quite upbeat and function as usual. It doesn't keep me from enjoying reading, listening to music or any of my other hobbies and actually anything that keeps my mind away from the source of my anxiousness relieves the pain completely. Unfortunately, my day job does nothing to alleviate the anxiousness, so I end up sitting at my desk for 8 hours a day hoping that the next email or phone call I receive will be the answer. It's pretty miserable, but not nearly as bad as anger or depression.